drop it.

so i sat down and asked myself: what do i want from this life?

lately i’ve been craving something more. i want more than standardized conformities that society places on young women and young adults for that matter. we’re expected to grow up in the span of nine months. in nine months we are expected to grow into adults and figure all of life out. yet we’re expected to do this all while sitting in a desk learning how calculate these equations, learn these words, memorize this body. we’re given such minimal time to sit back and think about what we want to do with the life we were given. at the same time it’s demanded we know. now.

i used to be the kid that compulsively checked their grades. to the point that, thinking back, was extremely unhealthy. the educational system has brought students to become, as i like to refer to as “point whores”. i listen to my classmates moan and groan over missing two points on a sixty point test. cry over having less than a ninety-four percent in a class. to the point where the learning is no longer important, but being better than each other has become important. it’s this system of rankings and classes of students that’s made a learning environment slightly hostile. after realizing how exhausted i was from trying to keep up with something that was’t necessary…i mean i got into a college, i’ve had an upkeep on my grades since freshmen year…letting myself earn a B versus an A senior year was NOT going to kill.

instead it’s given me a lot of time to think. so with thinking i’ve started writing. at first to kill time…and relieve my brain. then i realized why not turn something i enjoyed into something that i would call a career?  why not run with what i’ve started? i always get a lot of looks when i say i want write, endlessly, for the rest of my life. ideally in a small little apartment with another side job. it’s persistent comments of “well that’s not going to make you much money”. that’s where i see the education system failing students. in the essential factor that what a young adult decides to turn their life into should bring them an endless abundance of joy. it shouldn’t be about the price value of an occupation that attracts a student to a career. just as grades shouldn’t be about the points, but the learning itself.

it took me steeping back and looking at what was going on to realize that what i always wanted to do wasn’t for ME. through letting the social norms of society go,. whether it’s age, shape, thinking, plans…etc. everything in life has a “typical” place, but realizing that what’s typical isn’t for every being has become most beneficial for myself. especially in learning who i am.

so i urge you to take a step back. not to figure it out all in one moment, but to let yourself form into who you feel you’d be most happy with. after all, we don’t have to spend the rest of our lives with everyone else. at the end of the day, you go home with yourself. if your not happy with yourself, how will you ever be happy?

 

xxx

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